who needs a laugh

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by mrnobodie, Dec 15, 2001.

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  1. enygma

    enygma New Member

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    beware.

    a baby harp seal walks into a club.
     
  2. Etalis Craftlord

    Etalis Craftlord New Member

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    Only if you're truly desperate.
     
  3. Jarinor

    Jarinor New Member

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    I saw this quote on a site, and I've been hard pressed to get it out of my head -

    "My sister recently opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the sea shore."

    That cracks me up.

    (Stolen from http://www.whirlpool.net.au)
     
  4. Ioo

    Ioo New Member

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    No... who would ever imagine a last name being Craftlord... Now, Crawford, on the other hand is always in your face on TV.
     
  5. DarkUnderlord

    DarkUnderlord Administrator Staff Member

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    I had this in an e-mail. It's as close to the original as I can remember.

    NOTE: This post might be long because I've spaced out the answers a bit....


    1) How do you put an Elephant in a refrigerator?





















    Answer: Open the refrigerator door, put in the Elephant, close the refrigerator door



    2) How do you put a Giraffe into a refridgerator?



















    INCORRECT ANSWER: Open the refridgerator door, put in the Giraffe, close the refridgerator door.

    CORRECT ANSWER: Open the refridgerator, TAKE OUT the Elephant, put in the Giraffe, close the refridgerator door.



    3) The animal king held a meeting and all of the animals in the animal kingdom attended except one. Which animal did not attend?

























    ANSWER: The Giraffe because it's in the refridgerator.


    4) You're travelling through the jungle and you come across a river with no bridge. The river is full of crocodiles. How do you safely cross the river?

























    ANSWER: Simple, just wade or swim through the water because the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting.



    How did you go?

    4/4: If you scored 4 out of 4 you have a bright future ahead of you. You should conside a career as a doctor or lawyer.

    3/4: If you got 3 out of 4 your good, but not quite good enough. A high flying career as a nurse or accountant awaits you.

    2/4: Half right! Well done. Not good enough for a decent career but I'm sure whatever you chose to do in life, you'll only ever be half as good at it as everyone else.

    1/4: Not too bright are you? Obviously a career in 'waste managment services' is out of the question for you, because you probably don't even know what it means.

    0/4: With your low intelligence and less than feeble brain powers, about the only thing you can do is something in the computer industry.

    _________________
    DarkUnderlord
    ----------------
    Moo... Moo... I'm a Troika cow.

    <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: DarkUnderlord on 2002-02-24 22:44 ]</font>
     
  6. Ioo

    Ioo New Member

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    Those are old as hell... one more from the same serie... How do you fit 4 elephants in a WV Beetle???


    2 in the back and 2 in the front.
     
  7. bryant1380

    bryant1380 New Member

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    Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?










    They hide pretty good, don't they??
     
  8. Milo

    Milo New Member

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    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Because Thursday was his day in the barrel.
     
  9. Sheriff Fatman

    Sheriff Fatman Active Member

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    Two nuns in the bath. One says "Where's the soap?"

    The other replies, "Does, doesn't it?"

    <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sheriff Fatman on 2002-02-25 16:28 ]</font>
     
  10. Milo

    Milo New Member

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    That joke > Milo

    Explain, please. I can't figure it out. I think I broke my brain. :sad:
     
  11. Sheriff Fatman

    Sheriff Fatman Active Member

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    Well, for a strat there was a typo. You must have known there would be (maybe I should borrow your sig). It's two, not too.

    As for the punchline. Ask yourself this - what funny things could a nun do with a bar of soap in a bath, and what effect might it have on the bar?

    You have to kinda think of it phonetically, as well from the second nun's point of view.

    I damn well hope this explanation is more confusing than the joke - I tried hard enough!
     
  12. DarkUnderlord

    DarkUnderlord Administrator Staff Member

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    Oh god.... ANOTHER "where's" joke.... I've had headaches with these a while ago. If you want, you can find the answer here.

    _________________
    DarkUnderlord
    --------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    --------------------------------
    Moo... Moo... I'm a Troika cow.

    <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: DarkUnderlord on 2002-02-25 18:31 ]</font>
     
  13. Vlad the Imposter

    Vlad the Imposter New Member

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    A guy buys a brand new sports car and takes it out for a spin. He decides to see just how fast it can go. As the speedometer passes 100 MPH he sees a cop pull out behind him and turn on the flashers. He figures he can outrun the cop, so he speeds up. He is going 150 now and the cop is still behind him. He realizes that he is screwed so he pulls over. The cop walks up to the car and says, "Look pal, I've had a really bad day and you are my last stop before I go home. So, tell ya what. If you can give a damn good excuse as to why you where going so fast and then trying to get away from me, I'll let you go."
    The man looked at the cop and said,"Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I thought you were trying to give her back!"
    "Have a nice day."
     
  14. Vlad the Imposter

    Vlad the Imposter New Member

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    Here is another.

    A kid is walking down the street when he bumps into a Sailor. He looks up and says "Are you a real sailor?" The sailor replies, "Sure am kid. Do you want to wear my hat?" "Cool," says the kid and goes strolling down the street. A little while later the kid bumps into a Marine. The kid looks up and says, "WOW, are you a real marine?" The marine replies, "Yeah kid, so suck my dick!" The kid looks at him and says "Oh, I'm not a real sailor, I'm just wearing his hat."
     
  15. Vlad the Imposter

    Vlad the Imposter New Member

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    A couple more blonde jokes.

    How are a bleach blonde and a 747 the same?

    -They both have black boxes.

    How are they different?

    -Not everyone has ridden a 747.

    How do you kill a blonde?

    -Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

    A blonde is sitting in a doctors office listening to a Walkman. When gets to the exam room the doctor asks her to take off the headphones so he can look in her ears. The blonde takes off the headphones and immediately stops breathing. The doctor trys mouth-to-mouth, to no avail. The blonde dies. As they are taking the body out the doctor picks up the Walkman and realizes it is still running. He puts the headphones to his ear and hears "Breath in, Breath out."
     
  16. Ioo

    Ioo New Member

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    That's wrong. Original goes like this:

    Why do the elephants have red eyes?






    To hide in the tomatos.







    Ever seen an elephant in the tomatos?







    No. They're good.
     
  17. Milo

    Milo New Member

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    Thanks for the link, DarkUnderlord, but it turns out I didn't need it. I finally got it. Let me just say this about that "joke": *GROAN*.
     
  18. bryant1380

    bryant1380 New Member

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    Oh, thanks for telling me, fuckwit. I'm glad to know that I was wrong. I appreciate your telling me, I never woulda known otherwise.

    FUUUUUUUCK YOU, Ioo. Go tell that to my granddad, and his grandad, and his grandad before that. They are the ones that told that joke. As for that shit you wrote...never heard that.
     
  19. slagger21

    slagger21 New Member

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    2 more for the record ........ [ looong jokes ]

    There were these 2 archeologists that were in search of the fabled Ng Gah Gah tribe .
    One day they found a map leading there , and after crossing various mountains , oceans and deserts , finally came to the territory of the Ng Gah Gah tribe . Immediately , they were captured by the tribe's scouts and taken to see their leader . The leader says ' You have violated the sacred area of the tribe , and for punishment , you may either choose Ng Gah Gah or death ! '
    The 1st archeologist is a bit of a coward and doesn't want to die , so he says ,'I choose NG Gah Gah !'
    Immediately the tribal warriors start shouting and hooting wildly , and the leader goes ' Tribe , NG Gah Gah him !' and they all strip down and proceed to sodomise him one by one .*ouch*
    It's the 2nd archeologist's turn and he's an honourable man , so he bravely says ,' I choose death !' Again , they start cheering and hotting madly , and the Leader shouts , ' Tribe , Ng Gah Gah him to death !'



    2nd one

    There was a pilot & co-pilot in a plane flying over deepest Africa , when suddenly the plane malfunctioned and they made an emergency crash landing .
    Straight away , they were captured by tribal scouts and taken to see their leader .
    The leader says , ' I could choose to kill you both right now , but i will give you both a chance . Go out now , and bring me 100 fruits by the evening . '

    The evening comes , and the co-pilot returns first with 100 grapes . The leader then says , ' now stuff them up your ass , and if you laugh once , we'll kill you !'
    So the co-pilot goes 1..2..3..4........96....97...98...99..... suddenly , he laughed , and they immediately speared him . Do you know why he laughed ??

    *scroll Down*





    He saw the pilot return with 100 durians !
    :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  20. ThreeDogs

    ThreeDogs New Member

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    Did you notice that the leaders of the US are named Bush, Dick, and Colon
     
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