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Grossenschwamm
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Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:00 am Post subject:
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| Reptilus Rex |
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Joined: Feb 21, 2006 Posts: 7398 Location: In Urwaldland, blowing smoke rings in the Hookah Lounge
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I was hoping he'd say "Then his mother had a late-term abortion and he died."
But, I guess abortion is taboo even for obvious trolling.
_________________ Smuel wrote: I expect it's something to do with cheap rolex watches enlarging his penis while he makes $400,000 an hour working from home.
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Zanza
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Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:26 am Post subject:
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| No Hole is Sacred |
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Joined: Apr 20, 2009 Posts: 2768
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Then he died.
_________________ ytzk wrote: As long as monkeys are stealing cocktails and getting drunk somewhere, Zanza will always be with us.
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Grossenschwamm
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Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 2:00 pm Post subject:
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| Reptilus Rex |
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Joined: Feb 21, 2006 Posts: 7398 Location: In Urwaldland, blowing smoke rings in the Hookah Lounge
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"I seem to be dying quite a bit..." thought The Last Man.
It would seem that he was suffering some form of immortality. The variability of his lives lead him to believe that he wasn't simply "waking up" or being "reborn," but that his consciousness was traveling to different incarnations of himself through a possibly infinite chain of parallel realities. However, the only way to test this was to die as many times as possible, which he wasn't too keen on considering it really, really hurt. Something wanted him to die and was being very blunt about it. But it couldn't keep him dead. It was as though he was in a videogame or movie, like a much less interesting Highlander.
_________________ Smuel wrote: I expect it's something to do with cheap rolex watches enlarging his penis while he makes $400,000 an hour working from home.
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Muro
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Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:32 pm Post subject:
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| Mutant Patron of Deviation |
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Joined: May 22, 2007 Posts: 4030 Location: Under my most exquisite hat
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Hey Chief, you okay? You playin' corpse or you puttin' the blinds on the Dusties? I thought you were a deader for sure.
deader for sure
deader for sure
d乇ader キor 丂ure
d乇ムd乇尺 キo尺 丂u尺乇
リou尺 ᄊoイん乇尺 丂ucズ丂 cocズ丂 ノ刀 ん乇レレ
_________________ Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see.

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wobbler
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Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 9:51 am Post subject:
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| In the Trousers of Time |
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Joined: Aug 23, 2006 Posts: 2367 Location: In an invisible Svinefylking, sadly
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Suddenly, pain. All pain. No relief. PAIN! NOTHING! BUT! PAIN!
He woke up in a bed, as from a bad dream, but the pain a memory so real it still hurt, even though he could see no damage. PAIN! It hit his brain, but then it were gone. Slowly he fell back at the bed.
_________________ 
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Arthgon
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Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 11:02 am Post subject:
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| 10th level Paladin |
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Joined: Dec 30, 2007 Posts: 2473 Location: Fryslan
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"What a night." the man said to himself. He carefully stood up and walked slowly to the wash-basin. That's because everything was still spinning. After washing his head with cold water he felt much better, but cold fear was gnawing to his heart. Was his dreams that vivid that the pain was real?
_________________ Ash: [talking to mirror] I'm fine... I'm fine...
[Mirror Ash jumps out of the mirror and grabs Ash]
Mirror Ash: I don't think so. We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound "fine"?
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wobbler
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Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 6:33 pm Post subject:
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| In the Trousers of Time |
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Joined: Aug 23, 2006 Posts: 2367 Location: In an invisible Svinefylking, sadly
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Then he realised that it wasn't cold fear that gripped is heart alone. It was cold, real cold. He started to hack his teeth due to the cold, he tried to warm himself under the water, but it froze at his bare skin. When he lost his sense of legs he noticed he fell over, covered in ice. As soon as he hit the floor he felt himself shatter in a thousand pieces.
_________________ 
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Grossenschwamm
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 7:00 am Post subject:
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| Reptilus Rex |
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Joined: Feb 21, 2006 Posts: 7398 Location: In Urwaldland, blowing smoke rings in the Hookah Lounge
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"How am I still here? This can't be real!"
He was in pieces on the floor of his bathroom, consciousness divided between the multitude of rapidly thawing pieces of what once was a singular man. He heard a booming laugh.
"Now, I know how to make you truly suffer..."
Reality shimmered, and he was back in one piece. He was also lying on a hospital bed with an IV in his arm, as well as a painful catheter. He caught his reflection in a far window; he was old. Very old. A young doctor came into his room.
_________________ Smuel wrote: I expect it's something to do with cheap rolex watches enlarging his penis while he makes $400,000 an hour working from home.
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Zanza
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 11:09 am Post subject:
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| No Hole is Sacred |
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Joined: Apr 20, 2009 Posts: 2768
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Then he died.
_________________ ytzk wrote: As long as monkeys are stealing cocktails and getting drunk somewhere, Zanza will always be with us.
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Grakelin
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:59 pm Post subject:
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| 10th level Paladin |
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Joined: Aug 2, 2007 Posts: 2116 Location: Scranton, Pennsylvania
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The man was shocked that the doctor died, and called for the nurse.
_________________ Coinneach wrote: The sexual orientation of your Brass & Steel character is entirely up to you.
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Zanza
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 1:34 pm Post subject:
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| No Hole is Sacred |
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Joined: Apr 20, 2009 Posts: 2768
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Then he woke up realising he was actually a she. Then she died with a wooden spoon in her hand. The spoon was real after all.
_________________ ytzk wrote: As long as monkeys are stealing cocktails and getting drunk somewhere, Zanza will always be with us.
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Grossenschwamm
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 8:41 pm Post subject:
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| Reptilus Rex |
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Joined: Feb 21, 2006 Posts: 7398 Location: In Urwaldland, blowing smoke rings in the Hookah Lounge
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It was very bright in this room. Everything was very loud, too. All of The Last Woman's senses were on fire, without actually being on fire. She was being held. She could vaguely make out the shape of a spoon in her mother's hand.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schmerz...it would appear your wife didn't survive the birth of your daughter."
_________________ Smuel wrote: I expect it's something to do with cheap rolex watches enlarging his penis while he makes $400,000 an hour working from home.
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Zanza
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 12:54 am Post subject:
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| No Hole is Sacred |
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Joined: Apr 20, 2009 Posts: 2768
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There was a flash and he looked out the window. Mushroom clouds in the distance. Skynet was online. Everyone was dead.
_________________ ytzk wrote: As long as monkeys are stealing cocktails and getting drunk somewhere, Zanza will always be with us.
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Grossenschwamm
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:36 am Post subject:
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| Reptilus Rex |
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Joined: Feb 21, 2006 Posts: 7398 Location: In Urwaldland, blowing smoke rings in the Hookah Lounge
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It finally happened. John Connor's life as a douchebag teenager with really lame "cool dialogue" speaking to a socially inept killing machine with a heart of gold finally paid off. He knew that Skynet would make its move eventually, and so he was prepared. He had to find more survivors, if there were any, and take back what was left of earth.
_________________ Smuel wrote: I expect it's something to do with cheap rolex watches enlarging his penis while he makes $400,000 an hour working from home.
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wobbler
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 3:19 am Post subject:
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| In the Trousers of Time |
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Joined: Aug 23, 2006 Posts: 2367 Location: In an invisible Svinefylking, sadly
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"Fuck off, I'm drunk!" He yelled out.
_________________ 
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Grossenschwamm
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 3:48 am Post subject:
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| Reptilus Rex |
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Joined: Feb 21, 2006 Posts: 7398 Location: In Urwaldland, blowing smoke rings in the Hookah Lounge
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That was a mistake. Three T-800 model terminators appeared, cycling through snappy one-liners to let him know they meant business. In a shattering monotone, one of them said, "You can get drunk when you die, fuckhunter."
There were no words. Not only was that the lamest thing John had ever heard, he actually felt sorry for the so-called AI that compiled the list of possible insults.
_________________ Smuel wrote: I expect it's something to do with cheap rolex watches enlarging his penis while he makes $400,000 an hour working from home.
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Zanza
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 5:49 am Post subject:
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| No Hole is Sacred |
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Joined: Apr 20, 2009 Posts: 2768
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Then the authors of his story died, never to write again.
_________________ ytzk wrote: As long as monkeys are stealing cocktails and getting drunk somewhere, Zanza will always be with us.
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Grossenschwamm
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 6:08 am Post subject:
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| Reptilus Rex |
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Joined: Feb 21, 2006 Posts: 7398 Location: In Urwaldland, blowing smoke rings in the Hookah Lounge
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Typically, when a story outlives its author and happens to be so popular that it cannot be traditionally killed, the responsibility of writing the story is passed on to another, and typically, the writing suffers. This is such a story;
Jon waz totes pissed at da Termanaterz, and sed "I'm a firin' ma BLAAAAAAAGH!!"
THa rowboats dogged da lazar an fukked hiz mom ta hamilinate him.
_________________ Smuel wrote: I expect it's something to do with cheap rolex watches enlarging his penis while he makes $400,000 an hour working from home.
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Grakelin
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 7:26 am Post subject:
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| 10th level Paladin |
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Joined: Aug 2, 2007 Posts: 2116 Location: Scranton, Pennsylvania
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Then the entire world was destroyed, scourging all life, including fan fiction authours.
_________________ Coinneach wrote: The sexual orientation of your Brass & Steel character is entirely up to you.
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Zanza
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:40 am Post subject:
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| No Hole is Sacred |
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Joined: Apr 20, 2009 Posts: 2768
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A prophecy was written that if faggy fan fiction shit was written anywhere but the RP section it would herald the return of one redhead midget overflowing with angst.
_________________ ytzk wrote: As long as monkeys are stealing cocktails and getting drunk somewhere, Zanza will always be with us.
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Grossenschwamm
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:14 am Post subject:
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| Reptilus Rex |
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Joined: Feb 21, 2006 Posts: 7398 Location: In Urwaldland, blowing smoke rings in the Hookah Lounge
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I'm not the one who first mentioned skynet, I just ended up going with it. This started off as a thread for short stories, but only two people actually wanted that. Then, seeing people write single lines of a story helped in my decision to re-purpose the thread into a group effort leading to a (hopefully) interesting story that ended poorly or ambiguously for the protagonist. Eventually, through somewhat increasing participation and half-ass trolling, we end up here. I wasn't deleting your posts, Zanza, because it was more fun to build off of them. It was honestly harder to build off of Arthgon's posts. Really, because of your post, I began writing about the dystopian future heralded in Terminator. If she comes back, it's all your fault. And there'll be nothing you can do to stop her.
She is the demon lurking under your stairs, the tingle going down your spine when you feel you're being watched, and that horrible sensation of not being alone when you lay down in a dark room to sleep. She is Xiao Caity, and she will never tone herself down, even when it makes her sound ridiculously histrionic.
_________________ Smuel wrote: I expect it's something to do with cheap rolex watches enlarging his penis while he makes $400,000 an hour working from home.
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Arthgon
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:32 am Post subject:
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| 10th level Paladin |
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Joined: Dec 30, 2007 Posts: 2473 Location: Fryslan
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(Why suddenly Terminator and/or Skynet?)
The Last Girl looked up and saw a redhead midget nurse. "Shall I tell her bedtime stories that I have written?" she said.
_________________ Ash: [talking to mirror] I'm fine... I'm fine...
[Mirror Ash jumps out of the mirror and grabs Ash]
Mirror Ash: I don't think so. We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound "fine"?
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Grakelin
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:51 am Post subject:
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| 10th level Paladin |
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Joined: Aug 2, 2007 Posts: 2116 Location: Scranton, Pennsylvania
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But nobody was around to respond.
_________________ Coinneach wrote: The sexual orientation of your Brass & Steel character is entirely up to you.
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wayne-scales
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:41 pm Post subject:
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| Fucking illogical, captain |
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Joined: Aug 2, 2007 Posts: 1236 Location: Dublin
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The End.
_________________ Xyle wrote: And she wasn't even the female with whom I have a telepathic relationship.
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Zanza
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 2:11 pm Post subject:
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| No Hole is Sacred |
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Joined: Apr 20, 2009 Posts: 2768
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Then Arthgon stopped posting.
_________________ ytzk wrote: As long as monkeys are stealing cocktails and getting drunk somewhere, Zanza will always be with us.
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