Anyone know people getting married/who got married?

Grossenschwamm

Everyone I know who has gotten married and is within 2 years of my age has been pressured into marrying their other for no other reason than "We're not comfortable with you two living together unless you're married." They're all Catholic, if that has anything to do with it.

People seem to be rushing into marriage. I actually know a couple who got married after 12 months. Can it work? Sure! But it happened scarily fast, and their parents were like "You guys shouldn't live in the same house until you're married, cause people at church will look at us funny." Not exactly that, of course, but if someone is legally an adult, they should have some say as to when they get married. Right?

Sjael · **Joined:** Jan 17, 2008 **Posts:** 105

My brother is getting married in February. I'm the best man .

They've been together since about August last year I think. He's 28 or so, she's not a lot different that I know.

My parents married after 3 months together at about 18 and 20, and they've been married nearly 40 years now.

My family isn't particularly religious, although my mother was brought up catholic.

Muro · **Posted:** Thu Nov 03, 2011 3:04 pm **Post subject:**

As long as people are financially independent from their parents, I don't see why opinions of the latter should affect any decisions of the former.

On a different note, wouldn't Catholics themselves, without any external pressure, see the necessity to marry before moving in together? Unless the ones in question aren't all that catholic at all, in which case they should cut the act and stop distorting the statistics.

wobbler · **Posted:** Thu Nov 03, 2011 3:52 pm **Post subject:**

I dont think you shouldn't get married till you have lived together for a year or so.

Wolfsbane · **Joined:** Nov 11, 2005 **Posts:** 4260

I don't believe much in marriage, actually. If two people want to live together, then fine, do so. Don't see the need for all the excessive rituals and stuff.

Muro · **Posted:** Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:12 pm **Post subject:**

Civil marriage has its legal benefits, though.

TheDavisChanger · **Posted:** Thu Nov 03, 2011 6:23 pm **Post subject:**

I recently attended a wedding of my girlfriend's good friend and it seems like they were together for (five) years. (I may be making up that figure...) No rush there.

Some good friends of mine are getting married October of next year. They've been together for a couple of years, only recently having moved in together. I'd say they're doing it right.

Another close friend's parents met on a Monday, were engaged on the following Wednesday, and wed the following Friday. They'd still be married had the cancer not claimed her father...

Another friend of mine met a woman two, maybe three months ago and got married to her a few weeks ago. If he hasn't adopted her daughter yet, he will soon be in the process. Apparently, this woman's father has cancer and it was important to somebody that she be married before he died. This is an example of doing it wrong, and whenever my friends and I do something foolish despite the obvious risks, we say we're "going Gabe."

My best friend married his wife after knowing her for six weeks or six months, I can't remember. She pressured him into marrying her to justify their relations to her LDS sensibilities. Just two days ago he was found not guilty of an attempted strangulation charge that she invented and reported to the overzealous authorities. The divorce is in the process. This was an example of doing it wrong.

I have to admit that marriage is an outdated institution, especially if the technical definition of marriage is preventing homosexuals from forming recognized unions. I'm indifferent enough to marriage that I would gladly marry my spouse if it holds that much meaning but won't press the issue as a part of my own agenda.

Grossenschwamm · **Posted:** Thu Nov 03, 2011 7:00 pm **Post subject:**

What I forgot to mention is they're from Catholic families, and their families are pressuring them to tie the not. None of the married couples I know that got married recently actually wanted to do it yet, or at all.

One of the couples is my girlfriend's sister and her husband, and by getting married this whole shitstorm occurred. He doesn't believe in work unless it's related to the doctorate in census studies he's getting (on top of the bachelor's in psychology he earned and doesn't want anymore), so, that'll be 7-8 years down the road. But, his grandparents pay his half of the rent for the apartment they've got in Florida, plus any living expenses he could incur within reason (but he is not, for any reason, to pay her way if they go out {or they will stop giving him money}).

They wanted to wait until he had his degree to get married, and have actually been "together" for about 8 years. She can't find work, because there's no market for graphic designers down in Florida for some reason, so she's going to have to move back up here if she can't find something menial to pay the bills.

^That would be a case of "doing it wrong."

Since this is what happened to my girlfriend's sister, because both families wanted them to "get it over with already," it would be ideal if I didn't have to go through something similar. My mom wouldn't care if I married my other or not, but my lady's parents aren't comfortable with me living in the same space as her at all, even if I'm paying my own way, unless I get married to her.

ytzk · **Posted:** Thu Nov 03, 2011 7:22 pm **Post subject:**

So that's the dilemma. Forget the parents. It's the 21st century and a new age, dude. Live however you like.

On the other hand, marry her brains out and have many babies.

Grossenschwamm · **Posted:** Thu Nov 03, 2011 7:29 pm **Post subject:**

I instantly thought of that congenital defect that results in the brain forming outside of the skull.

ytzk · **Posted:** Thu Nov 03, 2011 8:35 pm **Post subject:**

No don't do that.

That would be unhygeinic.

Grossenschwamm · **Posted:** Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:19 pm **Post subject:**

I read a lot about what can happen if the 13th chromosome develops trisomy. Apparently the defects range from no brain (anencephaly), tiny brain (microcephaly), and brain with no differentiated hemispheres (holoprosencephaly), which is the absolute freakiest, because it can cause cyclops babies. All of those things can result in stillbirth, death soon after birth, and if lucky, mild to severe mental retardation. If any pregnant women are misguided enough to come here for proper nutrition information while pregnant, get plenty of folic acid.

de Vere · **Posted:** Fri Nov 04, 2011 3:10 am **Post subject:**

Wheee. Sounds fun, Gross, in an oh-god-not-fun-at-all way.

As for marriage... well, like I said, I just recently got a divorce. I knew her for about two years and we were "together" for about six months... all of this long-distance from Massachusetts to California. We were actually -physically- together about two weeks, total, pre-marriage.

In my defense, the marriage was not -originally- discussed as an option because we felt we wanted to or were ready to get married - it was discussed as an option primarily because she was military, and getting married would mean she would be given money to support us both while I came out there to live and attempted to get a job (which is a LOT harder in California than here in Mass. Two and a half years without a job in Cali - two months in Mass and I already have one, albeit making subs at Subway). Marriage as a -legal- entity has never been anything particularly special to me - it's a legal entity and conveys legal benefits. I'm not christian, so marriage qua marriage doesn't mean much at all to me either. It grew in -her- mind, however, into something significantly more - and being as she was very controlling and aggressive, and bullied me into many things (including -changing my name-), I think I can safely say that my situation was, -in all ways-, an example of doing things very, very wrong.

Take some time. Live apart. Live together. If you can do so without hating each other, explore seeing other people. See if you really want to be together. Explore boundaries and rules. Make sure you each understand what the other is looking for and expecting from this relationship.

Believe it or not, at 18, or 25, or even 35, you still have all the time in the world.

EDIT: Gahahahahaha, love the replacement for the G-word, never noticed that about this forum before. All hail Muro!

Grossenschwamm · **Posted:** Fri Nov 04, 2011 4:10 am **Post subject:**

She wanted you to change your name? As far as I'm concerned, that's an option, not a requirement. But, my lady already told me she likes my last name better than hers, even though hers is more imposing.
Which would you choose;
Old French word for dark-skinned, or
Modern German word for the leader of a military regiment?
I'm in absolutely no rush. I figure if I ever get married, it's for the legal benefits that would ultimately help in making a family.

de Vere · **Posted:** Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:06 am **Post subject:**

Yes, she wanted me to change my last name, because she didn't want to have to do all the military paperwork that came with a name change

And because she liked being the only person in the military with her last name.

I wanted to -keep- my own last name, but apparantly that wasn't an option. Suffice to say, it was the first in a long list of things she bullied me into without care for my opinion on the matter.

Grossenschwamm · **Posted:** Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:12 am **Post subject:**

That just sounds awful. Treating people like accessories is akin to modern slavery. You know, prison.

Smuel · **Joined:** Feb 22, 2011 **Posts:** 1049

I just want to clear one thing up, de Vere - are you a lesbian?

de Vere · **Posted:** Fri Nov 04, 2011 2:29 pm **Post subject:**

Nope - male. Some might argue barely male, but I have the necessary equipment, as it were >.>

And believe me... no matter how strong or assertive a man may be, it's very, very easy to manipulate and bully a man who believes he is in love. Especially since our society is built to enforce that.

...I'll clarify that statement if anyone asks me to, but right now I am A) brainfried, and B) about to head into work (bad combination!) so I'm not certain I have the presence of mind to do so. I will stick by what I said, with possible clarifications, later

Crypton · **Posted:** Fri Nov 04, 2011 3:46 pm **Post subject:**

Wolfsbane wrote:

I don't believe much in marriage, actually. If two people want to live together, then fine, do so. Don't see the need for all the excessive rituals and stuff.

+1

TheDavisChanger · **Posted:** Fri Nov 04, 2011 6:31 pm **Post subject:**

de Vere wrote:

...right now I am A) brainfried, and B) about to head into work (bad combination!)

I'm willing to bet you can walk into Subway with moderate to severe brainfriedness and still manage.

Grossenschwamm · **Posted:** Fri Nov 04, 2011 8:31 pm **Post subject:**

No he can not! Do you have any idea the implication of not toasting someone's sub? Using swiss instead of provolone? Putting iceberg lettuce on when spinach is requested? Have you no idea of the sheer gravity of pissing off someone who intends to pay 5 dollars for a footlong?

de Vere · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:15 am **Post subject:**

My manager just today was telling me about the Shredded Cheddar War. Chilling stuff, lemme tell ya.

Grossenschwamm · **Posted:** Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:05 am **Post subject:**

Terrence Maddox wrote:

Got these tortilla chips bulk. But they're a little bland.

*reaches into bag, pulls out block of cheese and a cheese grater*

Terrence Maddox wrote:

That's where my little buddy Monterey Jack comes in handy.

*starts to grate cheese onto his chest*

Terrence Maddox wrote:

See, the body heat melts the Jack. And I'm tellin' you, people, I'm all about body heat.

Anyone know people getting married/who got married?

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