_________________

im in ur scrotum, screwing ur manhood

_________________
Lacy: How did I fall in love with such a jerk like him? Why can't I ever meet a nice man?
Tom: You've met lots of nice men, Lacy. I'm a nice man. The biggest lie all of you women tell yourselves is that you like nice men, when, in fact, we bore you silly.
The trouble is, you tell this lie out loud and so damned often that some of us more gullible types hear it growing up and work hard to become nice men.
Well, from all the nice men in the world, Lacy, fuck you very much.

That's not just any face...it's the Virgin Mary!

_________________
My North Star: Jose Gomez
I'm an introvert. Now shut up so I can be happy. Except for you, helpful sales bot. Also, download this.
Away from The House, yet forever near to my heart

Figures. Any future children of his will have to be conceived through parthenogenesis.

_________________
Lacy: How did I fall in love with such a jerk like him? Why can't I ever meet a nice man?
Tom: You've met lots of nice men, Lacy. I'm a nice man. The biggest lie all of you women tell yourselves is that you like nice men, when, in fact, we bore you silly.
The trouble is, you tell this lie out loud and so damned often that some of us more gullible types hear it growing up and work hard to become nice men.
Well, from all the nice men in the world, Lacy, fuck you very much.

My girlfriend's great grandmother is currently senile. After the birth of one of her great great grandchildren, and upon inspection, she said "My grand daughter didn't have sex...God gave her that baby!"

_________________

The fact that my sister works at a retirement home for the senile has made me vow to myself that, once I get old enough, I shall keep a bottle of brandy and a revolver in a drawer. I'd rather go with a measure of dignity than decompose into a vegetative state whilst I'm still alive.

_________________
Lacy: How did I fall in love with such a jerk like him? Why can't I ever meet a nice man?
Tom: You've met lots of nice men, Lacy. I'm a nice man. The biggest lie all of you women tell yourselves is that you like nice men, when, in fact, we bore you silly.
The trouble is, you tell this lie out loud and so damned often that some of us more gullible types hear it growing up and work hard to become nice men.
Well, from all the nice men in the world, Lacy, fuck you very much.

I was in the ER and heard an elderly woman screaming. It wasn't a normal scream, it was one of those "I have no other way to communicate the discomfort I'm in because I forgot how to fucking talk" screams.
Apparently, I've possibly got some dementia to look forward to at some point (grandma developed it, to her great chagrin {while it was still an issue}), and possibly a very specific form of muscular dystrophy (Oculopharyngeal) that works from the top down, starting when I'm in my late 40's to early 50's. Everyone who has it is related (the errant gene was traced to three sisters back in the 1800's), and they're all French Canadian. Both my dad and grandpa had corrective surgeries so they could open their eyes because of it, and my great-grandpa actually had magnets attached to his eyelids so he could keep them peeled open while watching football.
Not even Thor could best old age, and he literally wrestled it...uh, her. Elli. In his defense, he did a really, really good job. Who else can spend all day competitively drinking against giants and then only fall to one knee while wrestling the personification of time-related frailty?

I know it took a while to respond to this;


But it had me dying. It's both situation appropriate and the second part is a pun.

_________________